Humans cannot be hacked

“Hack your vagus nerve!” claims the latest and most unintentionally ironic social media headline to trigger my annoyance. Humans cannot be hacked. To imply that they can, whether by hacking their reward systems or nervous systems or biological functions or Enneagram types is not helpful.

humans cannot be hacked. this quote from When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate backs me up on this.
Quote I doodled while listening to the book When The Body Says No by Gabor Mate.

What exactly are we trying to do here?

The definition of “hack” has evolved from “to cut with rough or heavy blows” to the modern usage of “use a computer to gain unauthorized access to data in a system” to “a strategy or technique for managing one’s time or activities more efficiently. ”

I know when people use the word “hack” they mean a useful shortcut, but the sound of the word carries its original sense of violence and violation. To me, that is an important clue.

Research shows the vagus nerve is involved in a wide range of bodily functions, and having poor vagal tone is associated with a variety of disease states. Poor vagal tone can mean your system is in a stressed fight/flight mode so often, it can’t easily return to a calm, happy place. Can threatening to hack yourself really bring true relaxation and healing? My intuition says no.

That said, I am a total geek when it comes to physiology and science. I love learning about how complex our bodies are – not so I can control it, but so I can bow down to it. Our bodies deserve reverence, not resentment. This is a good article on some of the ways we can explore our experience through the lens of the vagus nerve.

Don’t just hack – ask!

What all the hacks – and most of the good resources, even – miss, is the big question: WHY! They skip right from symptom to “cure” without looking at the underlying cause.

WHY are you breathing shallowly (or deeply)?

WHY are you tired (or wired)?

WHY are you not okay with your current state?

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Forgive the all caps. That is a very crude way – a language hack, if you will – of getting my intensity across in print. If I could, I would whisper. Better yet, you can whisper to yourself:

Why is my intelligent body breathing this way?

Why do I want to feel differently than how I am actually feeling right now?

Why do I feel the way I feel?

Why do I think I need a hack to fix me?

Ask – and then listen for the answer. It might not come immediately, but when it does, your vagal tone will naturally improve because you will have gotten to the root of the issue. All the cold showers and breathing exercises in the world – as well as all the Enneagram books and quizzes – can’t help you if you won’t help yourself by listening to your own wisdom. Tuning yourself out causes stress – I know because I have many years of experience doing just that! That is why I feel so certain that humans cannot be hacked.

There’s a good reason humans cannot be hacked

With both the Enneagram and the vagus nerve, there isn’t a “right” way. It is a sign of health to be able to shift states appropriately. Context matters! Sometimes we need to be assertive, other times passive. Sometimes we should run for our lives – but a lot of the time, we really aren’t in danger. Yet, since our culture holds certain states in high esteem and degrades others, we demand justification of ourselves if we aren’t in the “good” states. As if people truly are machines that should work endlessly without complaint.

We can care for ourselves and others when we pay attention to what we are experiencing in the current reality. Humans cannot be hacked. Let’s stop pretending that side-stepping what our bodies are trying to communicate is a desirable thing.

Pay attention. That’s all you can do.

In case that is all a bit too abstract, here is a simple example. For several days, I was aware of the possibility of coming down with a cold. There was a tickle in my throat and just a slight feeling of being off. We went camping. The feeling stayed with me, but I didn’t get sick. We came home and I went to bed practically as soon as the sun went down. I was more tired than normal, and I had jury duty the next day.

The getting sick feeling was stronger in the morning, but I overrode it. I had to go to jury duty. I did not want to reschedule. I shut down (unconsciously, but very obviously in retrospect). I repressed my coughs and sneezes in the courtroom. I went for a walk at lunch. I drank extra coffee to stay awake. I survived rush-hour traffic to make it home – and then I collapsed. I was sick.

blue sky and rocks at joshua tree national park
I love the rock formations at Joshua Tree NP.

This isn’t a “poor me, I shouldn’t have to do jury duty” story. I made a choice. I am happy with my choice. But our choices always have consequences.

Progress, not perfection

The old me would have continued to deny I was sick. I would have taken cold medicine to repress my symptoms and continue “functioning.” But I know better. I know the real cure is rest. So I drank tea and laid around listening to audio books.

I was sick for two days. Bummer. But – I used to have the same symptoms, “hack” my way through life, suffer terribly, all the while denying it, before finally going to a doctor and getting antibiotics. Two days of surrender is a bargain compared to three weeks of ickiness.

Humans cannot be hacked! We are complicated organisms requiring rest, care and love, in addition to work, thoughts and achievements. Hacks are just another way of intellectualizing, and thereby avoiding, that reality – unless you use them to dig deeper into what is true for you.

For anyone who is interested, here’s an Amazon affliate link to the book I listened to as I listened to my body and rested (thanks OC Library!), and the source of the above doodle quote.

I hate the Enneagram today

Just kidding. I don’t hate the Enneagram. I just hate what I see (some) people doing with it – which is robbing it of all usefulness and meaning by encouraging people to identify with the most shallow, surface level details and cling to them as an identity. That’s pretty harsh, isn’t it? Okay…How about helping people dress themselves up in yet another layer of clothing, instead of helping them strip down to what is real and true about their innermost selves?

Not that I have anything against clothes. Clothes are great. So are personalities. It’s the clinging that’s the problem.

enneagram symbol out of balance to thinking
A graphic depiction of when I’m out of balance – my thoughts get out of control and overshadow my other intelligence centers.

The Enneagram is a really solid framework for understanding what each of us are (consciously or not) motivated by. It is not a checklist or description of outer behaviors that we can group people by. And yet – that’s the temptation, right? It is always a temptation to freeze things into a form we can understand, because it makes us feel safe. But unless you’re a specific frog with antifreeze in its veins, to freeze something is to kill it. I’m afraid people are killing the Enneagram.

This blog on why it isn’t a good idea to get attached to your Enneagram type sums up my stance so clearly, I feel like I can relax. My mind can drop the imaginary arguments it was spinning out on. I can go back to making graphics and carving molds of the Enneagram symbol to make jewelry without worry that it won’t be understood the way my inner control freak wants it to be.

Why do I find seeing my ideas represented elsewhere or expressed by other people to be so reassuring? Because it proves I’m not alone. It rids me of the delusion that it is me against everyone else. I am not the only (possibly crazy / bitter / jealous / myopic / judgmental / ignorant / insensitive / insert-your-favorite-insecurity-here) person in the whole universe who doesn’t agree with what everyone else thinks is grand.

vessel hudson yards nyc
This structure is named the Vessel. I think it looks like a pine cone. It was expensive to build and apparently draws a lot of criticism. Many liken it to a “metal meat stick” or Shawarma. Is it art? Is it good? Everyone gets their own opinion.

And just like that – I no longer feel the need to defend anything. Personally, I think there are more layers of meaning and usefulness in the Enneagram than there are stairs in that Vessel thing. It doesn’t matter if other people think the Enneagram is just a fun label to rally others around their love of cozy blankets or checklists, because there are other people who “get” me.

I hate the Enneagram? No. That’s just my reflex, to hate something when other people “ruin” it. But I’m not a five year old. I can do better. I can stop tuning out my anger, hear what it is telling me, and choose what to do. Compare that to refusing to let anger surface, and then feeling endlessly confused and conflicted, as is my pattern as an Enneagram 9.

It is a gift to feel seen and understood. I didn’t understand just how much of a gift until I started letting go of my resistance to it. (I had this notion that I could somehow be safe if I didn’t ever “need” things from others. What a joke.) Because the Enneagram helped me see where I was stuck, I want to share it with others. But when I feel like someone else is threatening a concept by having their own ideas about it, well. That’s a sign I’m heading in the wrong direction. It is the same mental trick that lets people kill in the name of religion. Fundamentalism takes the fun out of everything.

I don’t need to tear down anyone else’s ideas, and I don’t need to force mine on anyone else. My heart knows full well that everyone has a right to their own experience, as it is right now. I’m happy that people are finding ways to feel seen and understood. The fear that people are boxing other people in with their Enneagram memes is just a mental abstraction. It isn’t actually happening in my life. If anything, the memes are helping me , so long as I accept my feelings and get clear about what exactly I am having a reaction to.

I’m accepting my need to explore what I think, feel, and create with people who are also interested in not just what they do, but why they do it.

Thanks for being one of those people.

PS – I am a Body Type. That doesn’t mean I can’t think or feel. We all have all three types of intelligence: body, heart and head. Check out my new Enneagram Resources page if you are still figuring out your type.

Language matters in the Enneagram

perspective

It isn’t that I’ve had a change of heart – I still believe it is important to identify your Enneagram type by number, not name, to avoid creating yet another layer of separation between yourself and reality. However. Language matters in the Enneagram, just like it matters everywhere else.

We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.”

Toni Morrison
language matters in the enneagrambut fails to describe this waterfall in quebec canada
Words fail me when I try to describe a scene as lovely as this, but here are a few: powerful, dynamic, peaceful, autumn, contrast, humbling.

I’ve been on vacation for the past two weeks. It isn’t that I set out to do everything differently than I normally do, but that is what happened. For two weeks, I didn’t write or read books. I used my phone for navigation and photos but little else. Zero driving, only one yoga practice, little TV or radio – I couldn’t even tune into conversations the way I habitually do as so many of them were in foreign languages.

Symbols are especially useful when you’re traveling. The little stick figure in a skirt was always a welcome sight, as I didn’t have to second-guess my tired brain’s comprehension of unfamiliar words. It is less work to send a heart or smiley face emoji than to type a response. However.

The last book I read before our trip was The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. In the dystopian world of Gilead, women (other than the “aunts”) are not taught to read. Instead, symbols are used so the working class can “function” under the regime. I’d forgotten all about this story until, while looking for coffee in NYC, we walked right by a coffee shop several times before I figured out its logo (a bottle).

Symbols are simple – life is not

So yes – symbols are useful when you don’t know or speak the language. However, there in Rockefeller Plaza after attending mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, symbols suddenly struck me as dangerous, too. It wasn’t that long ago most people couldn’t read. They didn’t need to: the church took care of disseminating the word of God to them. Capitalism is a religion in its own weird way – and is more universal than any church these days.

symbol of the cross aerial view of St. Patrick's cathedral NYC
The symbol of the cross bigger than ever from this view – yet it is dwarfed by the surrounding buildings. Being inside the cathedral creates an entirely different take on reality.

We accept the green and white mermaid, and blue bottle, as a representative of sugary and caffeinated beverages. We accept the ichthys and the cross as symbols of Christian faith, even though plenty of less than ethical business owners slap the sticker on their bumper because they know it implies trustworthiness.

My point – and I do have one – is that symbols are just symbols. They aren’t the real thing. The real thing – the real mystery of life and consciousness and identity and all that jazz – cannot be summed up by a symbol, or a number, or a name. They can’t be summed up at all. But we humans have to try. Language is the best tool we have, so let’s use it – but wisely.

Language matters in the Enneagram!

We all rely on symbols and habits in some areas. That’s not a bad thing. But the point of the Enneagram is to really get to know ourselves, and for that we need language: gloriously complicated, loaded, meaningful, constantly evolving, and imperfect language. An emoji will not suffice.

In Personality Types, the authors (Riso/Hudson) give nine different titles for each Enneagram type, for each of the nine levels of health. I find this to be really illuminating, as it explains the potential in each type and also guards against the tendency to see only what you want to see.

milk and milk by products truck by brooklyn bridge
Mmmm….by products. Somehow I wasn’t tempted to indulge.

For example, it’s easy for me to justify “going with the flow” as just being me, a Peacemaker 9. Yay Peace! “Accommodating Role-Player” at level 4 isn’t exactly flattering – but “Denying Doormat” at level 7 is a true wake-up call. Who wants to be a doormat?! No one. However. The potential clearly exists – unless I wake up to what it is I’m doing in this crazy little thing we call life.

I’ve moved Riso & Hudson’s titles for each type at their absolute best and worst to my main Enneagram page. Please check it out! I hope learning about the Enneagram types at different levels of health is as useful to you as it was for me.

Nine ways of believing I am enough

i am enough

I am enough: three little words that have great power. But how can you believe it when you coulda, woulda, shoulda? In the end, that’s up to you. But here are nine ways of believing I am enough to get you started.

First, it helps to recognize we all have our own way of defining “enough.” The Enneagram helped me identify my own specific way of feeling like I wasn’t enough, and to notice how my way is both similar and different than other people’s version of not enough.

I’ve had “i am enough” necklaces in my Etsy shop for maybe eight years (?) now. It remains one of my favorite affirmations because it is true on so many levels. Below are nine ways of believing I am enough, based on the Enneagram triads.

nine ways of believing i am enough silver necklace
I am enough, in my head, my heart and my body.

I am enough for Enneagram Heart Types (2 3 4)

2: People will always need more than I can possibly give – yet I am enough.

3: Win or lose, profit or loss, happy or sad – my circumstances do not define me. I am enough.

4: Emotions can feel overwhelming at times, yet I’m not “too sensitive” or “too dramatic” – I am enough.

I am enough for Enneagram Head Types (5 6 7)

5: There will always be more to learn- yet I am capable now. I am enough.

6: I see all the ways things could go wrong, yet trust I’ll handle whatever comes. I am enough.

7: I’m not missing out. I’m happy and I am enough, right here and now.

I am enough for Enneagram Body Types (8 9 1)

8: There’s nothing to defend against. I am enough as I am.

9: I can see everyone’s point of view and still maintain my own sense of self. I am enough.

1: The world’s not perfect, I’m not perfect, perfection is impossible – and yet, I am enough.

Is I am enough not your style?

I get it. Maybe it is just my Eight wing talking, but some days I feel the need for something with a little more punch. That’s why I have my FYeahJewelry Etsy shop – to house messages like these:

just fucking be kind necklace
Be kind, be kind, be kind.

The message is the same. I am enough, you are enough, we are all enough. So let’s be kind to each other. It feels a lot better than the alternatives.

Personality Ping Pong

life is like a game of ping pong

A few weeks ago, I was journaling about the Enneagram (what, like you weren’t?) and made a list of how it is like ping pong. Personality ping pong. Each one of us has a certain something we express in the world – a ping. And we get something back – a pong. Actually, there are millions of things we put out in the world (ping ping ping!!!) and at least as many pongs coming back at us.

personality ping pong
I got schooled. It was fun.

But, we all have filters: our personalities. You might see all those balls flying at you and think: what fun! Or, how terrible! You might have forgotten that you sent that ping out in the first place, so why now are these pongs showing up at your door? Or you’ve being pinging desperately and not finding any pongs.

You never really forget how to play

This weekend, I got to play ping pong for the first time in ages. It took me a minute to get up to speed with my opponent – but just a minute. Then I felt the old conditioning kick in. I spent hours of my childhood in my best friend’s basement, playing ping pong against her and her older brother. I learned to flick my wrist to give the ball a little spin, to watch for opportunities to knock a high ball down hard and fast. Aware of it or not, I carry within me some strangely specific skills and pattern recognition software.

But my skill or habits are only half the equation. The person across the table has their own habits, their own strategies. My friend wanted to keep our volleys going. She also wanted to have fun – so any chance she had to turn up the speed, she took. When I played against her husband, our tempo was more lackadaisical. Same game, same me: different experience.

The idea of personality ping pong is silly, I know. It is also easy to understand and therefore useful as a metaphor. Ping pong is an individual sport (game? I don’t know. I was sweating by the time we were done.) A fun game of ping pong also requires two players who have, if not the same skill level, enough overlap so as to keep the ball in play. It is also pretty easy to see where your skill or lack thereof interrupts the game and sends you crawling under the table to find the missing ball. You can alter where you stand, how you shift your weight, etc.

Personality Ping Pong by Enneagram Type

So, here is my assessment of what each Enneagram type pings, and the pongs they receive back, which serve to reinforce their existing world view. It is how each of us end up believing that our reality is the same as Reality. I love how the Enneagram illustrates how we create our lives – even if we think the idea of “creating our own reality” is woo-woo nonsense.

Public Art in San Francisco.

Feeling/Heart Types:

2: Twos have learned that self-worth comes from helping people. When others refuse their help or assert their independence, the Two fear of not being lovable is triggered, which makes them try harder to prove how essential they are.

3: Threes are out of touch with their feelings, but reflexively know how to present themselves in the best possible light. They mistake the trappings of success for the real thing, then assume they’ll stop feeling empty and dissatisfied when they achieve their *next* goal.

4: Fours get caught up in their emotions to the point that it doesn’t matter what people pong their way – they only see the negative. Eventually, people give up … and Fours take this as more proof that they are different and flawed, just like they feel.

Sculpture by Robert Arneson, San Francisco MoMA.

Thinking/Head Types:

5: Fives like to figure things out. The world looks crazier every damn day, so back into their minds they go. Fives withdraw to analyze, but it is impossible to amass enough knowledge. Meanwhile, Fives miss out on the experiences that would give them confidence in their ability to thrive.

6: Sixes are aware of all contingencies and possible problems. When others don’t share their level of concern, Sixes become even more hyper-vigilant since obviously, the rest of us flakes can’t be trusted.

7: Sevens only want to feel positive emotions – and genuinely see happy possibilities everywhere – but even their greatest plans don’t satisfy them. They are already (mentally) off planning the next one instead of experiencing the present moment. Panic sets in – but that’s a negative feeling, so Sevens spin it as more, better, faster, instead.

The Salvador Dali Museum.

Instinct/Body Types:

8: Eights are so determined to make sure that they are never at another’s mercy that they make everything a battle…which pisses people off, and proves to Eights that their aggressive behavior was necessary. Good thing they are tough: it is the only way to be in a dog-eat-dog world.

9: Nines tend to check out and merge with others. It is easier than getting mad or fighting for their way, since what does it really matter at the end of the day? Their own thoughts and feelings are less real than those of other people … so of course Nines don’t feel like anyone special or important. They barely exist.

1: Ones see all the ways that things could be better, or how they really should be. However: people don’t like being criticized (shocker, eh?) and most people don’t share Ones attention to detail. This makes Ones angry – they know they are right! Their anger turns inwards and they resent having their perfect plans foiled.

One giant personality ping pong game

All nine Enneagram Types fail to see the whole picture. These short descriptions are meant to help illustrate the patterns of how we do so, not to define or limit anyone. We are all just doing the best we can at this crazy game of life. You hold your own paddle. When you learn to use it wisely, personality ping pong becomes a lot more fun!

Don’t know your Enneagram Type? Start figuring out what kind of player you are at The Enneagram Institute.

Find your Enneagram Type by number, not name

I may have lost count of how many Enneagram books I’ve read, but I feel like I’ve learned at lot. It is both surprising and helpful to find that different authors apply different names to the nine personality types. My stance is that it is much better to find your Enneagram type by number, not by name – even though you’ll come across many, many names.

number of enneagram type books from library
Thank you, library, for the never-ending stream of reading material.

Here’s why:

  • Numbers are value neutral here. There are no points. It is no better to be a One than an Eight or any other number.
  • The Enneagram is not personal: that’s kind of the whole point. You are not claiming an identity to cling to when you discover your type. You are simply identifying a pattern in your personality structure. It is not the whole story of you. Not even close.

Each type is defined by an emotional habit, a characteristic pattern of thought, and a style of relating to others, which together produce a distinct point of view.

Helen Palmer
  • Name types cater to stereotypes. They can be helpful when you’re first learning what the different personality patterns are like, but if you stop there, you’ll be sorry. Each Enneagram number has three subtypes based on their primary instinct (self-preservation, social or sexual), and just to keep things interesting, one of these three types always runs counter to the type. This means 1/3 of all Enneagram Fours will look *nothing* like the stereotype summed up by the names Romantic, Artist, Individualist, etc.
  • The most popular and accepted Enneagram names overlap with titles and roles that we all fulfill as humans at different points and in different ways: The Helper, The Artist, The Achiever. This can make it easy for us to choose a type based on how we *want* to see ourselves, or who other people see us as, rather than who we actually are. For example, not all artists are Enneagram Fours. Not all Enneagram Fours want to be artists. Not all Enneagram Eights show up in life as The Boss, etc.

Labels are hurtful and limiting – even when they appear positive and affirming! So limit the hurt and limitations by looking at your Enneagram type as just a number. Of course, the more people refer to Enneagram numbers, the more they become a shorthand or stereotype in culture. Resist the urge to think you can know someone just because you know their number.

Still looking for your Enneagram number?

Find your Enneagram type by number by reading lots of different descriptions of the Enneagram Types. The audio and video clips on Helen Palmer’s website are super helpful. Pay attention to how you react. Strong feelings of like or dislike are excellent ways to learn about yourself, even if finding your Type is not as quick and easy as taking an online quiz. (It might be. But don’t worry if it raises more questions than answers.)

There are many people you can consult with to determine your type, but since that isn’t the path I took, I can’t offer you recommendations there. However, if you’re looking for a book to read, I’m your pal. (I hate, hate, hate the term “gal.” WTF does it even mean? Part of a gallon?)

the Enneagram is witchcraft

I’ve read a lot of books on the Enneagram in the past year, and a surprising number take the time to assure readers that the Enneagram fits within what it means to be a Christian. At first, I kind of scoffed. Why would anyone think personality types are the devil’s work? But the more I learned, the more I’ve come to believe that the Enneagram is witchcraft – in the best possible way. (Disclaimer: I don’t believe in the devil, so this is an easy leap for me.)

Witchcraft, the exercise or invocation of alleged supernatural powers to control people or events…

Britannica.com
hand drawn enneagram symbol looks like witchcraft
My first attempt at drawing the Enneagram looks like some devilish child casting spells, I’ll admit.

My theory is simply that people who pay attention to the interconnected world we live in are able to move in ways that the average bear can’t grasp. Witches don’t have supernatural powers, in my view. They just take note of patterns other people would rather ignore. The ability to predict an outcome and control an outcome can look awfully similar, from a distance.

Crows are beautiful creatures in my book – which is good, since I see hundreds of them commuting across the sky every morning and evening. Imagine if I knew someone thought they were bad luck? The power!!!

Resistance is futile: the Enneagram is witchcraft

Pattern recognition lies at the heart of new artificial intelligence technology, the stuff of sci-fi dystopian futures run by machines. But the truth is, we humans are facing our own dystopia right here and now by ignoring some patterns (hi there, global warming!) in favor of others.

The solution is not to wait for machines to save us. The solution is to widen our perception of the patterns at play in the world – starting with the ones inside our own little skulls. Here is where the Enneagram is a magical realm of patterns to explore.

Where do you go in stress? How do you react to the expectations of others? What do you need to feel safe in the world? How are you going to show up in a crisis? What are your strengths? We don’t give much thought to these questions in our daily lives – but we should. The Enneagram helps turn our attention towards what really matters.

#lifegoals

A friend of my discovered that one of her ancestors was prosecuted during the Salem witch trials. In her research, she found this in the court records regarding her long lost female relative:

Her crime was not witchcraft. But an independence of mind and an unsubmissive character.

It is my sincere wish that we each cultivate independence of mind and a character that knows when to be stubborn or submissive, as the situation warrants. With the Enneagram, we find a way to sort through all the confusing layers of family expectations, cultural conditioning, job responsibilities, personal preferences, ego defenses and all the rest, to figure out who we really are, and what we really find important.

There’s nothing supernatural about it: the Enneagram is witchcraft.

do crystals have healing properties?

My answer to the question of whether crystals have healing properties is short: maybe.

I’m not saying there aren’t people who can feel a different vibration from different crystals – I’m just not one of them.

We live in a world where trained dogs sniff a person’s breath to diagnose cancer, and monarch butterflies manage to find the one milkweed plant in an entire neighborhood on which to lay their eggs. There is all kinds of information – chemical signals, radiation wavelengths, etc. – that pass right through us, every second of every day. Not noticing them doesn’t make them not real.

Given all that, its likely I really am missing something when it comes to the healing qualities of rocks and crystals. For awhile, I tried to fill this gap by learning about the metaphysical properties of the gemstones I use to make my jewelry. But here’s the thing:

I just don’t care.

I like what I like (in jewelry, at least) simply because I like it. It is an instinctual or sensual thing. That doesn’t make it wrong to choose jewelry for intellectual reasons. I just don’t (maybe because I’m a 9w8 on the Enneagram). And since I can’t actually discern whether rose quartz (which is almost always dyed pink, regardless of the claims) holds a different vibration than rock quartz or tourmalinated quartz, I’m uneasy about passing along information about how a rock can change your life.

To me, it feels like a game of telephone. The message we want to hear might not have any actual relationship to the information source. It has been passed through too many dealers, advertisers, wholesalers and retailers. In short, there is just as much pressure to move product in the “holistic” or “spiritual” realm as there is in any other marketplace.

I’d rather stick to what’s real to me: the color, the shape, the words.

Your affinity for a color or message or design is what makes it special – not the other way around. If you want to wear red to call attention to your root chakra, great – but it is your intention that has magic. All the rocks in the shop can’t do a thing for you if you are moving unconsciously through the world.

copper pendants with gemstones crystals healing properties
The words on these pendants are far more healing to me than the gemstones (turquoise, agate, kyanite, jasper & quartz) they are adorned with.

The question “do crystals have healing properties?” is interesting, but it might not be the most useful one. After all, everything we come in contact with has the ability to be healing or distressing. It is all a matter of degree. Some better questions might be:

Does it matter whether or not this crystal/rock/etc. has healing properties?

Would I want to wear it if it didn’t?

And if it does, is it the most effective way for me to get the healing I’m seeking?

I sincerely hope that the jewelry I make is meaningful to the people who give it, receive it, and wear it. However, healing intentions are not something you buy – they’re something you live, whether you love crystals or hate them.

The Power of Threes

The world is full of opposites: light or dark, good or bad, wet or dry. These categories are simple and easy to understand – but they aren’t the whole story. What about all those shades of gray? The neutral? The moist? Seeing the world as either/or means we often get ourselves trapped between a rock and a hard place, when to an outside observer, it looks like we should be able to climb out pretty easily. The power of threes is like a mental rope we can use to haul ourselves to a more expansive viewpoint. But first, you have to know what obstacle you’re facing. Enter the Enneagram.

enneagram chart

The Enneagram divides people into nine archtypes. Each type also has a wing (one of the adjacent numbers on the Enneagram circle). For many people (me!), this explains an inner conflict or confusion since the pattern of the dominant type is often very different than that of the wing. For example, I am a 9w8. Nines are all about going with the flow and avoiding conflict – but Eights like to take charge and challenge the status quo. I have often felt trapped between my two habits – either I ignore my feelings so I can avoid upsetting anyone, or my Eight wing takes over, and I am too forceful in asserting myself. Friendly or fierce. It feels like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. But thankfully, that false dichotomy isn’t the whole picture. The power of threes, as I’m calling it, means there is a third choice.

What’s behind door #3

As a Nine, that third option is to really pay close attention to how I feel. Sounds simple, and it is, but it isn’t always easy. I’d rather not be bothered by uncomfortable feelings. It takes a conscious effort to stay present to my own experience and not get swept away by other people’s (often louder, or more insistent) needs. Anger scares me – I had some pretty amazing “what not to do” role models in my life. But anger is my friend, now. I finally see that anger is just an invitation to pay attention, and when I do, I get to solve the puzzle. How do I stay true to myself and allow other people that same freedom?

Harness the power of threes

The real wisdom of the Enneagram is when you are able to see the patterns within yourself – your typical type response, the wing you turn to when needed AND – the hard part – your third and least developed type of intelligence. The part of you that might as well not exist, for all the attention you’ve paid it. When you start to see that third option, it can feel miraculous. It isn’t. It is just how we are meant to live, as fully functional humans, with our heads, hearts and bodies all communicating within ourselves.

When we learn to use all three, magic happens. You can call it whatever you like: thinking, feeling, doing. Mind, body, spirit. Mental, emotional, instinctual. Head, heart, gut. If you look into the Enneagram in any detail, and I hope you will, you’ll find that each teacher uses a slightly different framework. In this blog, I’ll explore different perspectives – not to decide which one is “right” – but to make connections and expand my own understanding of myself and the world.

If you don’t know your Enneagram number, reading over the type descriptions on Enneagram Institute website is a good place to start.