I’ve been wanting to write more.
Yet I haven’t.
I have lots of ideas I feel like sharing.
But I don’t.
New ideas pile up on top of the old, and soon I can’t remember what “brilliant” insight I had anyway. There is always so much to do, it seems. Yesterday I was listening to a podcast while I was working, which means I was only half listening. But when the interviewer asked Seth Godin about blogging strategy, it caught my full attention. Seth’s answer was simple – just do it everyday. It doesn’t matter if no one is reading it. Just develop the habit of writing, which will automatically put you in the receptive state of looking for ideas and connections.
Maybe because I’m currently reading Swamplandia! (after a two-year delay!), in which the crocodiles are referred to as Seths, or maybe because Seth’s advice had none of the icky marketing strategist bullshit I was expecting, or maybe because I’d sat quietly in the Self-Realization Gardens in Encinitas earlier and his advice simply voiced what I’ve been wanting to do anyway…who knows. I’m going with it.
Today, June 13, 2015, marks day 1 of my “blog every damn day” campaign (is #blogeverydamnday already taken?? not that I’d use it anyway). It won’t be perfect – I’m sure I’ll miss days occasionally. I don’t have the perfectionist editorial zeal I once had, so there will be typos. It might not even be coherent – see earlier comment about ideas piling up. But I’m going to write a little something here everyday. Because this blog isn’t actually a marketing tool. I am releasing myself from that lofty expectation. I don’t like marketing. The only reason I ever thought I wanted to be in marketing is because I was socialized to believe that what I actually wanted to do was irresponsible. Writing is just a form of sharing. Sharing is good. Yet in our capitalist-consumed world, somehow sharing is only for kids. Adults are supposed to Sell. Produce. Sell. Sell. Sell.
Being myself is not irresponsible – in fact, it is the opposite. My belief is that the majority of suffering on this planet is caused by people not being ok with who they really are and then lashing out at others or paying the pain forward by denying that they are even in pain. There’s no time for blame and shame if you’re ok with yourself. I guess I needed another push towards that realization, which I got recently. Because money has been a stress, got a part-time job at a pizza place. It seemed like a good fit at first. It was a startup and the owners were very excited about their concept, very positive about their goals and motivations. Go team!
That lasted a week or two. Then it became weird. Perhaps they were just overworked. Did they watch Hell’s Kitchen for inspiration every night? Did yelling and throwing knives really improve the quality of their pizza? Maybe all their employees really are idiots that have to be treated like children, as they kept saying. I don’t know. I held out longer than I should I have because, after so long working at home by myself, I liked being in a customer service role and talking to people. Plus, the pizza was really good and I don’t have a TV to actually watch escapist reality TV, so it was like a front-row seat at a live taping. But I’m not an idiot child, so I quit. And a few days later, paddling in Dana Point harbor with the pelicans and sea lions, I realized – I am unemployable. I can no longer believe that my worth can be measured in dollars per hour. I’m happy to work and contribute, but I am unemployable.
A huge grin took over my face. It is such a relief to just accept myself for who I am and what I want to be instead of trying to make the socially acceptable “responsible” choices. Despite the fact that I can do everything a good employee does, I am unemployable. I make jewelry. I’m an artist. I’m “artsy-fartsy” – one of my least favorite terms EVER – which members of my family use to describe those dirty communist hippies who dare do anything other than strive to earn the most money. To be clear, I like money. I’d be glad to let more of it flow through my life. But I don’t view it as the end goal.
But this is the end of today’s blog post. There are old dogs to walk, hummingbirds to admire, spreadsheets to make, pendants to polish, tools to organize. Lots and lots of work. Because I don’t have a job – I have a life. Life is enough work for everyone. So just keep plugging along at whatever work you’ve chosen and be kind when you encounter others. The end…and the beginning.